Hold On? (Knowing When or If To Let Go)

“Hold on when the world ain’t treating you good, you gotta hold on.  When everybody’s looking at you funny, you gotta hold on.”

~Alabama Shakes Lead Singer Brittany Howard

 

It’s the fall season.

Look at the trees as the leaves change colors.

It’s an entire process.

Part of that process is that some leaves fall before others.

 All the leaves don’t fall at the same time.

Some hold on until the very end.  They let go when it’s their time to let go.

Sometimes you need to continue to hold on until it is time to let go.  

If you let go too soon you’ll look back, you’ll have regrets, you’ll wonder if you did the right thing.

Sometimes holding on until you’re pretty sure, is the best course to take in certain situations.

(The below is an Alabama Shakes song , she’s singing about holding on until something changes…not necessarily to hold on, then let go…but you get the point, right?)

• In the Letting Go Process you have to first Hold On to see if and when you need to let go….

• You’ll have to Wait and determine if you need to let go or exactly when you need to let go….

• You have to listen to  the Wisdom of the Ages or to family and friends who have “gone on” and are “up above” saying; “WAIT”…even when you don’t WANT to wait…even when you really want to let go…just wait…hold on…

  Letting Go is a Process

  Watch Nature – Watch the Leaves During This Fall Season If You Want To Learn How to Let Go

   Remember Letting Go Is Not Giving Up, It’s Dying to What Is to Let Come What Could Be

Letting Go Of Thinking That You Are The Only One Talking To Your Dead Friends

MY DEAD FRIENDS by Marie Howe

I have begun,
when I’m weary and can’t decide an answer to a bewildering question

to ask my dead friends for their opinion
and the answer is often immediate and clear.

Should I take the job? Move to the city? Should I try to conceive a child
in my middle age?

They stand in unison shaking their heads and smiling-whatever leads
to joy, they always answer, to more life and less worry.

I look into the vase where Billy’s ashes where it’s green in there, a green vase,

and I ask Billy if I should return the difficult phone call, and he says, yes.

Billy’s already gone through the frightening door, whatever he says I’ll do.

-Marie Howe

It’s okay to let go of thinking that you are the only one talking to your dead friends and asking them questions.  After all they have passed through the “frightening door” already…go ahead and ask them what to do!  

Just Quit Thinking You Walk This Journey Alone - Your Ancestors Walk With You

You are not walking this journey alone. Your ancestors walk with you.

The wisdom of the future is contained in the mind, hearts and souls of the past.

In order to go forward, sometimes you must go backwards.  Sometimes you must ask for help from your ancestors.   Their spirits are still alive.  They live in and through you.  Draw from their power. They are waiting for you to use the power that they have been building for decades, for centuries even.

YOU have the Know-How, YOU’VE developed great skills, YOU’VE Prepared Yourself

Now Do Something!

Have the courage to let go of that voice of fear that’s in your head.

Yes, there is a process to letting go.

A Change Is Gonna Come

Yes, you need to be determined in order to change.

Yes, you need to find encouragement somewhere and somehow for your efforts.

Yes, you need to release the past, so that the future that wants to emerge, can come forth.

Yes, it might have been a hard life so far.  There have been ups and downs, but don’t be afraid to die…die to who you are…die to what is holding you back.

Although it’s been a l-o-n-g time coming…A CHANGE IS GONNA COME…be alright with the void…let go…draw from your ancestors and move onward and upward…it’s time.

  Who are the Ancestors that You Need to Draw From?

What are Their Names? How Did They Inspire You?

What Do You Need To Do NOW?

How The Story of Life Ends.

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

~Havelock Ellis~

We all know how the story of life ends.

It ends in death.

One day your life will be over.

You as you know yourself will be gone. 

It’s something we all will experience,

but none of us have experienced it.

So you’re still alive, right now

Do you need to make a turning point? 

Did you need to Let Go of Something or Someone? 

Can you just keep on going down the road that you know is miserable and not bringing you joy?

Are you Afraid of Letting Go? 

The Choice is yours.

 Life is just Series of Choices.

Remember you already know how the story ends. 

It ends in death,

so LIVE a life that matters.

Live a life that makes a difference while you are still able. 

What is one thing that you need to Just Quit or Let Go Of?

"Get Busy Living (Letting Go) or Get Busy Dying (Not Letting Go)"

 

Looking Up in Charlotte, NC

 

On my daily walk around the school building today

I happened to look up in the sky.

I saw an airplane so high up above the clouds.

I looked at the trail that it had made in the sky.

I didn’t have my phone on me and had to walk back to the car to get it to take the above picture, but the plane was long gone by the time I got back to that spot.

This made me think that we can get STUCK in our daily lives…daily problems…daily jobs…daily folks we talk to…daily stuff and

drift through life

– OR –

we can LOOK UP…

look beyond our daily lives, problems, jobs, folks, stuff and

REALLY live the life that we’ve imagined.

Really let go of what is …to allow what could be… to come into your life.

It’s a simple choice really…get busy living or get busy dying…

Letting Go of Loved Ones

There is an energetic wrenching or pulling that takes place when a loved one dies. No matter how you put it when a blood tie goes, something changes in the universe – your universe.   When that blood tie is your mother it’s like the center has shifted and you have to find your barring – a new normal I guess.

Breathing Feels Different Now…

I kind of feel like an orphan now that I don’t have a mother or father living.

I’m sure you can’t be considered an orphan at middle-age, but that’s how I feel.  It’s a hollow feeling. It feels like something has happened to me. It feels like a part of me is not here. It feels like some energy has been withdrawn from the universe and I can’t breathe the same.  It’s like the air is different.  I’ll never be able to breathe exactly the same.

I’m just 7 days away from my mother dying and I already know that making it through the funeral was just the beginning of “making it through this”.  I guess I kind of feel like I just want to be able to breathe normally again.

The Dead Don’t Just Die

In some aspects I feel closer to her than I have since I moved away.  I feel like I can talk to her and she might be listening.  She was always listening, even when I thought she wasn’t.  She’d say something wise or profound a month later about my situation or just life in general and then you’d know everything was going to be okay.

I kind of think I need to start another blog just about my mother, so that the necessary healing can occur.   I’m sure I’ll be finding pockets of grief for some time.  It’s been more than 15 years since my brother died and more than 10 since my father died and I still remember them.  The dead don’t just die, you keep them alive in your memory and your heart. My mother’s dying feels different through.  I can’t quite describe why, but I know I’ve never felt like this before. I’m trying to identify and classify it, but it’s hard.

I just keep thinking…as long as I keep on living…loved ones are going to keep on dying.  Death is a part of life. That reminds me of the very old man in The Green Mile.

Compassion for Others Starts With Remembering How You Felt

I want to remember how I feel right now,  even though I can’t really describe it adequately.  I want to remember so when other’s lose their mothers I will remember that energetic wrenching and breaking of the mother/child bond or cord and how strange it feels.

Yes, I’ll start another blog about my mother…this feels like a very deep rabbit hole that I’ve fallen into that I now have to crawl my way out of…but I’m looking forward to the growth and spiritual maturity that CAN occur if I really work on it.

Just Go...Let Go of Your "Normal" Schedule & Go

Seems when I just go and do things that I’m led to do I have the most rewarding experiences.

So this weekend I just went…

To See A  Documentary

Heard on NPR there was a documentary being shown at a local church.  So, I just went to see the documentary called The Final Gift about a lady who lost her brother to murder and her journey to make sense of it.  It led her to get a master’s degree in Criminal Justice, making a documentary, and not just talking about but actually participating in Restorative Justice.

Watching the documentary was interesting.  Listening to the filmmaker was interesting.  The most interesting thing is that out of tragedy she found her voice.  You could see and hear the passion in her voice and attitude. I went because of my brother’s murder and wondering if now was the time for me to “deal” with it, research it, call Atlanta PD cold case unit, and solve his murder after all these years.  I left thinking when the time is right I’ll know.  I guess for so long I’ve remembered what my uncle said at my brother’s funeral; “There are somethings that are not meant to be solved, they just are, like getting a cold.”   I still don’t feel the passion to pursue cracking open this case  – yet –  but watching this film and listening to the film-maker was a stepping stone and I’m glad I just went…

To A Funeral of The Lady I Didn’t Know

I always get the Friday paper to see what’s happening over the weekend. I never actually read the paper I just look at the section about what’s happening over the weekend.  Somehow, I decided to read the paper and I read about a lady who died who was like the housekeeper from “The Help” for a local family.  I guess that’s why it made the paper.  I thought it was interesting about first this making the paper and that you never know what experiences in your life will make you “make the paper” once you’re gone.

So, instead of going to exercise class (normal Saturday morning routine)  I decided to get dressed and go to her funeral.  I’ve never been to a funeral for someone I didn’t personally know.  I guess most people haven’t.  It was a very strange feeling, watching and listening to people who I didn’t know.  At some point I got nervous that someone was going to ask me how I knew this lady who had died…what would I say?…I read about her in the paper and decided to come…that sounded crazy…I kind of stuck out like a sore thumb.  I didn’t look like anyone there. No one asked me who I was, thank goodness.

The experience was very interesting –  I wondered/pondered/experienced the below:

• What do people think about when they look at corpses in a casket?
• Watching the people walk in single file to look at the lady in the casket knowing one day they will also die
• What about those people who take pictures of the person in the casket? I’m still trying to figure that out.
• One lady was talking to a friend and said; “When you’re 70 you’re not responsible for nothing.”  That’s what she told her children the other day.  I liked that comment!
• The older women wearing wigs.  I wondered when do women just get comfortable with themselves, their own hair, their bodies?  Does putting on your wig (not being who you really are)  go on forever until you die?
• The people talking, laughing having a good time before the family came in.
• The casket being crooked and the lack of attention to that detail.  We can live crooked lives because we aren’t paying attention enough to straighten things  out.  Once you see things are going crooked in your life you have to straighten it up, even if people see you straighten it up,  just straighten  it up.
• Why do people sign the register?  Is it like saying “present” when your name is called?
• There was an announcement made that the family was coming in.  That meant for the talking, laughter and general “it’s just an event, no one in my family died” conversation (reunion) to stop.
• The man in the grey suit with the white hat in his hand that made me think of my father and how he dressed.
• A final viewing???  I’d never heard of that, where the family got to see the body again before the casket was closed and the funeral began.
• The opening while they waited for the preacher to arrive – ” “Mother’ wasn’t a dead person, so don’t come in here to be a spectator (which is exactly what I was doing), we’re not in church but we’re going to give God praise like we’re in church (wondering if people really think that you have to go to church to give God praise), Take your brakes off and allow God to minister to your heart ( I liked that phrase), If you didn’t love her you wouldn’t be here (that’s not true, I didn’t even know her), I’m ready, Can you say you’re ready?, Mother was ready, Will you be ready? (the preaching into heaven and call to repentance in the beginning of the service?)…this “preaching” ends because the real preacher comes in.
• Then this young lady got up and really sang this song.  She sang I Won’t Complain.  I’d never heard that song before, but it was wonderful and she sang it like a ministry.  If I didn’t do anything else on this day watching that young lady with the big earrings sing that song would have been enough.  Here’s John Legend signing it “mildly” , but this young lady really sang the song with all her heart and soul.

• Back to the minster talking about how the lady had lived a beautiful life and that everyone’s heart was heavy. How she let her work – life speak for her and that when you’re resting in your grave there is nothing that can be said
• The mention that text messages of encouragement that were given.  I thought that was very modern to add that to the normal cards and phone calls.
• Admonishment to remember the legacy that “Mother” had left for her children.
• Mention of “Mother” being in the local paper and why and asking the young man she had taken care of to speak during the open time for anyone to speak.

After people started to get up and speak I left. I didn’t wait to hear the Eulogy.  I guess I got what I needed.  I’d let go of my normal schedule and just went…let go of fear… not really caring what someone might think or if I would get something out of it.

If you just go where the universe is telling you to go, you will get what you need out of it…so just go…let go of your routine…and go.

 

 

 

 

When You Just Quit Living Will There Be A Soul's Graduation?

HOPI PRAYER of  The Soul’s Graduation

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
On the ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.
My Spirit is still alive…

This was on the back on the funeral program of a man who lived a well-lived life.  He made a difference in the lives of others.  He left love and wonderful memories over the course of his life.

Before we get to the end of our life we still have time to ask ourselves what is one thing that we need to Just Quit so we can live a well-lived life.  The more I think about his  life the more I know the one thing that he Just Quit doing was being selfish.  He gave of his time, his resources, his wisdom and his love.  He did it seemingly effortlessly but I know that it wasn’t because it’s not easy to care about other people.

His spirit is still alive in those who had the honor of knowing him – Mr. William Kennedy Lane, Jr.  –  what a privilege.

How can you live the type of life where people will drive miles, cry at your funeral and remember you fondly?

Will people be able to say that you lived a well-lived life?