Just Quit and Live

 

Here I am again. Leaving a 9 – 5 (this one was a 7:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. which is one reason to go…what normal person wants to start work at 7:00 a.m. even if it is WFH? ) 

Here I am again. Wondering why most people tolerate all the stuff that happens in Corporate America. 

Here I am again. Looking at my spreadsheet and thinking yeah I can do this.  I have enough money to do this.  

Here I am again. Ready and willing to go where the wind and spirit leads me. 

Here I am this time. With more experience. 

Here I am this time.  Eighteen years later from the last time I “just quit”. 

Here I am this time. Blogging the experience.

Here I am this time. Knowing this time there is no going back to working to make someone else rich for exchange for a check and health benefits. (This seems so ludicrous to me!!!)  If I do nothing else with this insurance license I will help people who feel chained to their jobs because of health insurance. 

Here I am this time.  Knowing the harder I work, the more real people I will help and the more money I will make. 

Here I am this time.  Knowing I’ve got one more shot to leave a legacy that will catapult the next several generations to the top. 

Now. I will do this. 

Now.  I will thrive. 

Now. I will soar. 

Now. I will look back and be grateful I’ve been blessed with what I call “the knowing” and brave enough to trust it. 

Here I am again. Here I am this time. Now.

~M. R. Williams a.k.a. Ridea

Embrace the Suck

“Embrace the Suck” is a military term.

Occasionally I heard military stuff  while working in a law enforcement environment with guys who were or are still in the military in some capacity.  “Embrace the Suck” is a fascinating concept actually.  When they are in a war like Iraq or Afghanistan, things are going to suck  from time to time.  They have to get through it whether they like it or not.  They can’t avoid it.  They have to deal with the stuff that sucks.

One of my guru’s Joseph Campbell said the same thing (albeit a little more eloquently):

“We’re in a free fall into future. We don’t know where we’re going. Things are changing so fast. And always when you’re going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. But all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It’s a very interesting shift of perspective . . . Joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world and everything changes.”

A battery does not work without a positive AND a negative charge…just like life…you need both “positive” and “negative” experiences. Use the “negative” not as “bad’ but as a charge to MOVE you forward.

So, “embrace the suck” in your life.  Something sucks in your life.  Maybe it hasn’t reached the point of a crisis or depression, but we’ve all been there and know that when it DOES reach that point you can go into a pity-party-for-one that can be completely debilitating.  You can’t see a way out. You feel stuck.  No one can help you.  Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing is working out for you. Life really sucks.

If you are in a tailspin – EMBRACE THE SUCK.

This perspective turns EVERYTHING on it’s head.  Just say:

Okay, this is how it is, this is what is happening in my life, in my relationships, on my job, with my finances, with my health, etc…it’s bad…actually it SUCKS…now… just embrace that.  This IS how it IS.  When you can “joyfully participate”  in “the suck” like you “joyfully participate” during the wonderful times in your life… when things are going well…when you are in love, when you get the job you think you want, when you have money in the bank, when you have friends, etc…it’s good…actually it’s GREAT…now try to embrace “The Suck” JUST LIKE THAT…it’s GREAT. How do you act? What do you do when you are “happy”  when things are “positive”?  Just START doing some of those things. For some of you it might mean to JUST GET UP OUT OF THE BED.  Nope, it’s not something easy to do, but it provides a release.  It’s like a relief valve.  It actually feels like you are cheating the “negative” things from allowing you to stay stuck in them and seeing them as “bad”, or just replaying how much things really suck over and over and over again in your head…instead of understanding and appreciating that it’s just a part of life….your life…your story…

What about your life currently “sucks”?

Identify it.  Admit it.  Take a good long look at it.

Embrace it.

This blog is about letting go and you CAN’T let go of something that you are denying and pretending is not there.  You have to fully embrace what is not working in order to make a change.

Note to Self:  There is NO WAY I could have written this post today if I had not Embraced The Suck…The Many, Many, Many Sucks that are going on right now in my life. I’m looking forward to posting about this time once I’m on the other side of yet another dark and dank tunnel of change.

Jump The Chasm

As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm.

Jump.

It is not as wide as you think.

— Native American Wisdom

“Jump” is what Letting Go (of what is) to Let Come (what wants to unfold in your life) is All About 

Just

Understanding

My

Purpose and Aligning With It

JUMP TODAY

 

Just Quit and Live Happened WorldWide

Finally most have stopped the madness of 8-10 hours of working to make others rich in nonsense jobs. Finally. People can now rest and be able to just live.

People and lands are being restored.

Everybody stop, breathe, pray for restoration.

It is a wonderful time to be alive.

Just Quit Isn't Over Yet

I keep hoping that one day I can “let go” of Just Quit and Live and stop blogging about folks who want to “Just Quit”, but alast another year.

Another year I’ve paid the ever growing cost of maintaining a web page, another year and folks are still finding the blog (even though I don’t have much time to really blog much anymore), another year and folks are still “miserable while working” and completing the survey. We’re almost at the 9,000 entry mark. There is so much data now I need to find a data analyst to make sense of what is going on in the work world.

Here’s the latest survey entry from a female 25 and under Camera Operator in the United Kingdom:

” Overworked, underpaid, unappreciated. Management are not management. They are slave drivers. They want you in an early grave so they can have an early retirement.”

So, it ain’t over yet. I must keep going. There are still people (and young people at that) who are hurting.

If you found this blog just know that you are not alone and you are not crazy if you are at a point of wanting to quit your job even if you don’t have another one. You can do it if you want to, but you need a plan. Don’t just jump without knowing the cost.

Look around the blog and I’ll do better in 2019 to keep posting…since I see that I just paid the webpage fee for another year. Stay tuned and…

Peace,

Ridea

Happy, Healthy and Whole

 

Happy, Healthy and Whole is what came to me today walking around the block.

Question: What do you want?

Answer: A litany/list of things pursued…but… then when I boiled that list down I wanted to be Healthy (my family and friends to be healthy), Happy (my family and friends to be happy) and Whole (who we should be, where we should be, and what we should be doing).

So new mantra today:  May I be Happy, Healthy and Whole

The reason I am writing this post is because it makes me happy to blog.

Happy, Healthy and Whole

Happy, Healthy and Whole

Happy Healthy and Whole

Hampton's Hidden Treasure ™

Below is the infographic that I made about Hampton’s African American History and Future. Just a test. More to come.

Hampton, VA by mrwms1

Reasons People Worldwide Want to "Just Quit"

If you find this blog, please know that you are not alone in your misery on your job.

I will at least once a quarter  post the results from the survey.  Below are others worldwide that want to quit their jobs even if they don’t have another one lined-up.  It is a serious problem.  Please know that you are not crazy and are not alone.  Thanks to all of those who have purchased my book.  I hope that it has helped during this difficult time.

 

Comment	Date
The stress	Thursday, Oct 19th 9:47AM
My career is going nowhere for me	Wednesday, Oct 18th 1:24PM
I hate where I’m at and feel like I’ve been at this job too long. I dread going to work everyday and have a hard time getting up in the morning.	Wednesday, Oct 18th 10:35AM
Stress, work load, overtime, toxic environment, not appreciated	Saturday, Oct 14th 10:28PM
The stress the workload the hours the pay	Friday, Oct 13th 3:31PM
Career growth	Friday, Oct 13th 11:44AM
Freedom	Thursday, Oct 12th 2:04PM
There is no growth in the organization,Boss is not supportive and environment tis extremely political.They have reduce my role and expecting me to leave.	Thursday, Oct 12th 5:05AM
There is no trust between me and my boss.I was once in competition with my current boss and he was my peer.But due to his political nature he reached to that position and remove my old boss from his position hence reduce my chances of promotions.
I’m miserable and unhappy, the moment I walk in the door. I’ve had enough and know it’s time to do something else.	Wednesday, Oct 11th 10:22PM
Fed up of my current job, not enjoying it anymore, want something new, new challenge.	Tuesday, Oct 10th 7:39PM
I am extremely bored and unchallenged.	Sunday, Oct 8th 1:32PM
I hate doing the job I have.	Thursday, Oct 5th 5:09AM
I don’t feel needed or respected.
I feel disrespected.
I’m bitter at my boss for passing me up on a permanent position.
It makes me feel physically ill	Wednesday, Oct 4th 1:50PM
On edge, tearfull and stressed
I cannot think straight and it has erroded my confidence
Drained	Sunday, Oct 1st 8:10AM
Feel like not part of team, not being challenged, bored, not valued	Thursday, Sep 28th 6:17PM
I hate it	Saturday, Sep 23rd 7:17PM
The stress from my job is greatly impactinh my health, my mental well being and my relationship with my husband. I have panic attacks on my way to work accompanied by a general ill feeling in my stomach.	Wednesday, Sep 20th 6:56PM
I’m happy with my life except for one minor detail … I HATE going to work Monday to Friday. I feel like my boss owns me and my life is not my own. My job is also holding me back because I’m not learning anything new or useful. I worry about my future. It’s draining my life force and making me sick. I literally need to quit so I can recover and reclaim myself. Looking for another job in this mental state is not what I want to do. I need time between jobs because I never get a decent vacation. I want to be FREE!!!	Tuesday, Sep 19th 7:27PM
I want to renovate my house. I want to do a Barista course. I want to plan for my future. I want to spend more time with family. If I get another job, I want it to be one that I really love. I don’t want to get up at 4am to go to work anymore. I don’t want to work on the week-ends. I don’t want to work until 10pm at night anymore. I want to spend time in my garden. While I love customers, I don’t want o have to deal with grumpy badly behaved people anymore.	Monday, Sep 18th 8:01PM
I’m just so tired and burned out from it. Don’t fit in with the culture and not nerdy enough	Sunday, Sep 17th 7:55PM
my job has become tedious and I hate my loine of work. I’ve been I’ll from work stress and I’m extremely unhappy with management.	Tuesday, Sep 12th 12:27PM
This job is depressing	Monday, Sep 11th 1:10PM
its very repetitive
its ruining my mood
The pay is terrible. I cannot make any money here. Its sales, and the one week (out of the 50-60 weeks I have been here) I made it past the average pay. It was only 200 more than what i usually make
I cannot focus
My thoughts arent clear
Moving towns for a fresh start	Saturday, Sep 9th 4:24AM
Need a more stable job, more pay, serve hard to serve people and I just can’t do it anymore. Safety is a concern.	Tuesday, Sep 5th 11:27AM
I am miserable, unhappy, cry all the time and think about being at home so can concentrate on my job. I just hate it.	Tuesday, Sep 5th 7:57AM
Because I cannot take this any more. I’m 22 years old and I’m suffering with anxiety, depression and a disease in my pancreas due to stress.	Wednesday, Aug 30th 6:38AM
Because I can’t take another second there, and I’m moving away to a new state soon	Tuesday, Aug 29th 10:47AM
The job I have now takes up all my my mental time and almost all of my free time. I took it thinking it would make me happy and validate my worth. It hasn’t. I hate it and it’s only been 2.5 months. I want to move across the country and I can’t job search well from the opposite coast. So I have to buck up, relocate, and search as a local resident.	Thursday, Aug 24th 12:09PM
It’s driving me crazy	Tuesday, Aug 22nd 11:16PM
My job makes me physically ill. I can’t sleep or relax on my days off.	Tuesday, Aug 22nd 8:02PM
Take on an extreme amount of stress and pressure without appreciation or compensation and was not part of the job description when I was hired	Saturday, Aug 19th 1:31PM
I have a Mental illness that causes me to not be able to tolerate the intricate stipulations and policies of this company	Friday, Aug 18th 4:51PM
I want to live in Africa and work on community projects	Thursday, Aug 17th 9:47PM
Stagnant growth. Mistreated. Terrible corporate culture. Not learning.	Wednesday, Aug 16th 9:58AM
Tired of stressful responsibility. Tired of long hours worked and travel time. Tired of difficult employees.	Sunday, Aug 13th 10:31PM
My stress levels feels through the roof, I don’t like the direction this company is going in, I feel an almost unbearable anxiety at the thought of dealing with our customers, I want to work in an industry where my schedule is more set and stable, I have been	Sunday, Aug 13th 8:30PM
I am not interested in computer industry.	Sunday, Aug 13th 7:20AM
The work is affecting my mental health	Saturday, Aug 12th 4:50PM
My CEO is abusive. I do t think he is going to let me do what I need to do. I am worried about recruiting good people into a dysfunctional company.	Saturday, Aug 12th 6:14AM
Because I feel like I’m overqualified and I can do much better if given a chance.	Thursday, Aug 10th 5:04AM
I didn’t learn a thing about the core operation of the job. I am like an unskilled working in my office.
The reason I want to quit my job before I find another one is that I need a safer job because this one is really stressful for me when we get busy and overwhelming.	Tuesday, Aug 8th 8:22PM
Disclaimer: We are not responsible for any financial loss, data loss, downgrade in search engine rankings, missed customers, undeliverable email or any other damages that you may suffer upon the expiration of ridea1.polldaddy.com. For more information please refer to section 17.c.1a of our User Agreement.	Friday, Aug 4th 3:30PM
I want to do something I enjoy	Thursday, Aug 3rd 2:39PM
Can’t sleep or eat due to anxiety. Unsafe work environment	Thursday, Aug 3rd 4:32AM
Stress not being able to perform the job. Writing on he wall I will be getting fired.	Tuesday, Aug 1st 7:11PM
Because it’s time and I have been planning for 18 months and I am longer happy and very stressed	Tuesday, Aug 1st 12:29PM
No passion on current job.	Tuesday, Aug 1st 11:16AM
I want to work by myself.
I want to travel more than I can for the past 5 years.
I dont like being told what to do and limit my potential.
I love to create new things.
I dont have any passion in this industry.
Im just working for the sake of paying the bills and expenses.
Freedom	Monday, Jul 31st 11:40PM
I need a break from everything	Monday, Jul 31st 2:28PM
Miserable	Monday, Jul 31st 5:34AM
Tired of being under paid, and put down by leaders. Don’t like environment etc	Saturday, Jul 29th 6:53PM
Stress	Thursday, Jul 27th 11:48PM
I need to figure out my life (next steps) but I’m unable to really focus on that because I am exhausted from job.	Thursday, Jul 27th 2:13AM
I’m wasting my energy here when I could be doing something productive at home.	Wednesday, Jul 26th 7:54AM
I am a useless body behind a computer screen.
I don’t feel myself really smile once while at work.
I am too tired and stressout with work. Too afraid to go work everyday	Wednesday, Jul 26th 5:28AM
Stress, always working late and on weekends	Monday, Jul 24th 8:28PM
Third shift	Saturday, Jul 22nd 10:58PM
I feel like I need to sacrifice a good thing for a better thing	Tuesday, Jul 18th 12:32PM
My manager pays me a terrible wage	Monday, Jul 17th 4:16PM
I feel very upset in my current job. Very very upset.	Monday, Jul 17th 7:17AM
Great	Sunday, Jul 16th 11:16PM
Mentally, emotionally and physically I can no longer do my current job. I have wanted to start my own business for a long time and have done a lot of research and decided on the business I will start. I have the finances to start my own business and to pay my bills, without changing anything, for 5 months so I feel comfortable quitting my current job. If I scale back, I can stretch that even longer. And knowing that, I no longer feel stuck; I feel relieved and excited.	Saturday, Jul 15th 8:21AM
Because I hate the way it makes me feel about myself	Thursday, Jul 13th 1:23PM
I just want to leave	Thursday, Jul 13th 5:20AM
I want to have a change in environment. I came back for dad. I am feeling the unfairness and unhappiness whenever I am tasked with certain task.	Monday, Jul 10th 7:08AM
Stress, no work life balance	Sunday, Jul 9th 9:43PM
i am thinking to quit my job without another one because i felt tired when iwas working there 2 weeks ago	Saturday, Jul 8th 4:35AM
i feel everything has chamged i mean in a very bad way
i dont like seeing other people not work hard and just act like they are superior
i hate to meet someone and hear something that are very annoyed me
It’s a dead-end job, I’m not making enough money and I can’t achieve even my most basic objectives for the future; also, there’s the perspective of having to travel for work, which I don’t intend to do.	Friday, Jul 7th 3:34AM
I’ve been here long enough to realize that I’m just not cut out for this. I’m better off elsewhere – someplace where I can actually feel passionate about my job, somewhere I can put my skills to good use. I am so tired for waking up every single day feeling like crap.	Wednesday, Jul 5th 6:58PM
Stress is wrecking my health to the point where I have no good days anymore	Wednesday, Jul 5th 2:16PM
Cant take this job no more	Wednesday, Jul 5th 8:31AM
Too much pressure
want to be free
do not want to say hello boos any more
want to travel the world
Don’t get the same treatments as others	Tuesday, Jul 4th 3:51PM
Picked on
Unhappy
bored	Monday, Jul 3rd 10:02PM
just waiting for start-up
no incentive to do anything
no more friends
stagnant for 4 years
everyone else is higher ranked
My job is overwhelming me to the point of depression. I am underpaid, undervalued, and overworked. I have many responsibilities, at times covering the responsibilities of three employees. I feel dread when I wake up in the morning at the thought of going in.	Monday, Jul 3rd 1:18PM
1. I’m not enjoying the work	Friday, Jun 30th 11:55PM
2. I feel blocked when trying to innovate
3. Some co-workers are impossible to reason with
4. My boss chooses the advice of the coworker over mine
Want a job with a different industry, different duties, and room for growth. Looking for a better work environment, colleagues to befriend, and opportunities to further my career. Burnt out of this job.	Thursday, Jun 29th 9:09AM
because i am depressed at it. there is no room for advancement, the people i work with are backstabbers and i am sick of it.	Thursday, Jun 29th 8:47AM
I’m completely miserable at my job. I’m stressed out. My anxiety level has accelerated. I’m doing way more than I can handle. At times I have chest pain due to the stress. My sleep is also affected.	Wednesday, Jun 28th 6:09AM
Cannot carry on here anymore	Tuesday, Jun 27th 5:59AM
Because the job im in right now isnt for me. I fell in the job. I suck at IT.	Monday, Jun 26th 7:59AM
1. My health is suffering. In terms of my physical health, I have been putting off visiting a doctor for nearly a year. There were also days in the past few months that I was contemplating suicide. I smoke too much at work (Don’t feel the need to, at home).	Sunday, Jun 25th 1:58AM
2. I have no work-life balance. Even after trying multiple times to balance my work-life, I keep falling back to 12-hour workdays (This is an improved no.!). No extra curricular activities, no friends left, have met my boyfriend only 3 to 4 times this entire year (And he lives in the same city as me).
3. My elder sister is suffering from severe anxiety and depression, she talks about committing suicide everyday. My parents are aging and find it difficult to look after her, once she moved back in with us. I feel like I am unable to contribute at home, as I am so bogged down at work.
4. I never had a great boss and was seriously thinking of quitting my job for more than 6 months. My boss quit and so I decided to stay back to assess the situation after his notice. My new boss doesn’t seem to like me too much, he does not share information too easily as well. He has also recruited somebody whose position would be between us two – which means that I would report into two people instead of one. I feel that this is quite unfair since I have had a large contribution in running the department up till now. I feel that it would be futile to work hard now and not worth the effort to impress my new boss. Also, nearly all of my old team had already moved on.
5. I feel too burnt out to look for another job while at this job. Whenever I have got offers from other companies, I am turning them down as I feel I am too tired to go for an interview and definitely too tired to prove myself at a new job.
My job stress has created depression in my life to the point I am taking medication for it.	Thursday, Jun 22nd 12:04AM
Too much stress and not working for me.	Wednesday, Jun 21st 2:33PM
TO TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY MOM	Tuesday, Jun 20th 2:50PM
I no longer have the desire to work where I do. I have stagnated mentally. I am no longer using my brain and have been forgetting things I learned in school. I’m tired of the daily drudgery and sameness.	Monday, Jun 19th 1:25PM
Stressful situation, very unhappy, affecting health and personal life	Sunday, Jun 18th 10:52PM
treated poorly, no room for improvement, cant speak to manager, get judged everyday, get talked about, there is no hope left here	Sunday, Jun 18th 7:38PM
I’m in a position that is just not right for me, with a company that I have outgrown, and is beneath my skills and education, for a company of managers that I am unable to influence positively. I am getting physically ill from this, and it costs me money to get there every day.	Friday, Jun 16th 1:16PM
I have classic signs of burnout and compassion fatigue despite being in the field for a brief period (less than 1 year). I also feel I have lost the passion that once motivated me to enter the field of counseling. My other passions keep calling to me, such as writing, traveling, and adventuring outdoors.	Tuesday, Jun 13th 1:44PM
SO NOT HAPPY! I READ THE STEPS TO TAKE TO QUIT YOUR JOB POST AND IT FIT ME TO A T!	Monday, Jun 12th 3:36PM
Quitting my job because my 75 minute-90 minute commute each way along with a high energy, stressful job has taken a toll on me and my personal life. Work/life balance is unhealthy.	Monday, Jun 12th 10:14AM
To do wht I always dreamed of.	Monday, Jun 12th 10:35AM
I want a change	Sunday, Jun 11th 11:30PM
Stress	Sunday, Jun 11th 8:13PM
Don’t feel valued or trap	Saturday, Jun 10th 10:53PM
This job is a dead end for me. I am not gaining new skills. Expectations are unrealistic and continuously changing.	Saturday, Jun 10th 10:20PM
It is not what want to do. It is stressful and I hate the working environment and thr senior management	Wednesday, Jun 7th 5:46AM
l	Tuesday, Jun 6th 9:14AM
I feel stressed and uncomfortable at my job.	Monday, Jun 5th 1:26PM
I’m not happy with my direction, lack passion for my company, find my job boring	Monday, Jun 5th 5:19AM

Just Quit = Letting Go

To JUST QUIT is Not the Same as Giving Up.  

It is Letting Go of What is Not Working.

Letting Go is the Opposite of Holding On

Below is a practical example of the difference between holding on and letting go:

• Look around and find something that is near to you and pick it up.
• Hold on to it REALLY TIGHT.  How does that feel? How do you feel holding on really tightly to whatever you picked up? Are you in any discomfort? Is there stress on your hand, or on your arm? Do you feel the tension?
• I know it hurts…so now…Let Go of It.

How did you Let Go of It?

You just DECIDED to Let Go.

Then what happened? You relaxed.

That is what Letting Go is all about

deciding to free yourself of what you are holding onto.

THE PROCESS and PRACTICE OF LETTING GO

There are so many things you can let go of that may be holding you back, causing you pain, making you unhappy, locking you down and limiting you. This list could include many things, such as;

• Thoughts
• Feelings
• Habits
• Desires
• Beliefs
• Staying Busy
• Stuff or Clutter
• Financial Decisions
• Holding Grudges
• Other People
• Jobs or Professions
• Failed Marriages
• Shopping, or
• A Faith That No Longer Serves You.

If you are new to Letting Go, then you may not know how to Let Go or Just Quit. You may not know how to pick one thing that you are doing, saying , believing that is now limiting you, making you uncomfortable, or causing you or others pain?

Below are some steps you can use to help you Learn to Let Go:

First DECIDE that you are going to start the process of Letting Go.  Just make a decision.

Start with something small like Letting Go of a Thought.

• Just pick a reoccurring thought that is not healthy or serving you.
• Maybe it’s a negative thought about yourself —  that runs like a record in your head.
• Your Just Quit Thing would be “I will Just Quit thinking (fill in the blank).
• “When I think that thought I will be aware of it and decide to let it go.”

From Thoughts you can Move on to Feelings.

Observe the feeling –

• Name it
• Own it
• Accept it, then understand that it is just a feeling and you can choose if you want to feel that way in this situation in your life.
• Regardless of the feeling you do not have to act on your feelings.
• You can feel it, acknowledge it and Let It Go.
• Just release it to the universe and decide that you will Let It Go. ” I will Just Quit acting on every feeling.”

You can then Move on to Letting Go of Desires.

• Think about the suffering and pain that “desires” have caused you.
• You know the drill: “Once I have a new house,  a new job, a new mate, get my degree, lose 20 pounds,  get out of this marriage, have surgery, make more money, get promoted, get out of debt,  retire from working, (feel in the blank);  then I’ll be happy.”
• You can live your entire life waiting to be happy.
• Just decide to be happy now with what you have and where you are.
• Have your goals and go for them, but be happy now.

Maybe you’re a pro at Letting Go.  You’ve been working on controlling your mind, thoughts, emotions and feelings and now you are ready to Let Go of Negative Habits (behavioural patterns of actions) such as:   “I will Just Quit Overeating, Overspending, Excessive Shopping, Not Exercising, Drinking, Smoking, Taking Drugs (legal and illegal, they are all drugs), Gambling, Watching Sexually Explicit Material, Procrastinating, ect”.  It more difficult to let go of habits, but it is possible and life changing.

The next thing to work on Letting Go of is Beliefs.

• Beliefs are things which have become part of your identity.
• These beliefs help you define who you think you are.
• They could be religious beliefs, beliefs about the world, beliefs about the environment, beliefs about others, beliefs about yourself, your friends, or your loved ones.
• A part of your life’s journey is about deciding what beliefs you should plug into.
• There are some beliefs that may have served you well at one point in your life, but not now.
• Beliefs change but sometimes are hard to let go of.    “I will Just Quit believing (fill in the blank).”

The final category is Letting Go of Yourself, as you know yourself.

• The self that thinks that it is separate and not connected to everyone and everything.
• Remember to begin with the end in mind… The End Results Model…one day “you” will not exist, not here, not as you know yourself.  You will die. You will then have to Let Go of Self.
• Don’t wait until you are dead to understand that life it about letting go…and you missed the point!
  

  “There’s an important difference

  between giving up and letting go.”

  ~Jessica Hatchigan~

 

The Secret Is Letting Go

 

Letting go is a secret to a happy life.

Letting go means you’re okay with what happens.

It is being okay with the results…whatever they are.

It is allowing things to work themselves out and being okay with HOW they work out.

Letting go is the opposite of holding on. But in order to learn the art of letting go you have to go through knowing what it feels like to hold on to what you want, what you desire, how you think things should go…then…let go of all of that.

It is not easy.  It is actually hard to let go, but the older you get the more you understand it’s one of the keys to the mystery of how to enjoy your life.

 

The Past Is A Place of Reference

For those who want to “just quit” this a special time of the year.  It’s a time of year when you have a few days/maybe even a week or two off  of work.

It’s a reprieve. It’s a time to reboot.

It’s a time to realize that what was the past, does not have to be your future.  You can choose. You can decide. 

Sure, you’ll have to go back to work; but not tomorrow you don’t.

Tomorrow wake-up and be thankful that you made it thru the year and that next year can and will be different. 

Why…because…are you willing to go another year like last year???

You can choose.  You can decide. This is your life.

LIVE IT!

Being Grateful For Your Journey

“We can look upon a road from two different points of view.

One regards it as dividing us from the object of our desire. In that case, we count every step of our journey over it as something obtained by force in the face of obstruction.

The other sees it as the road which leads us to our destination, and as such, it is part of our goal. It is already the beginning of our attainment, and by journeying over it, we can only gain that which within itself it offers to us.” 

—Rabindranath Tagore 

On the road of “LETTING COME” while or until you can “JUST QUIT” the first mental feat is to ACCEPT WHAT IS.

So, how do you do that when WHAT IS is not what you want it to be?

Be grateful for the journey.

Grateful for what you do have, what has already come to you. Grateful for knowing that things will change, because things always change. I ran across Tagore who became the first non-European to win the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1913. Human beings have been struggling with letting go and letting come for some time.  You might be going into ANOTHER week dreading your job, but endure it.

It is leading you to your destination.

Journey on and while you wait to be released –  prepare yourself to receive what is to come.  Wake up every day this week with the first thought as being grateful for SOMETHING.

Come up with your SOMETHING that you are grateful for and stick with it all week.  Even if you are grateful that change is coming, then try that. It will change your point of view about your current situation.  

Give it a try.

I am grateful for________________. 

Peace, ~Ridea

Letting Come A Life Until You Can "Just Quit"

Sometimes you have to start building before you are allowed to let go of what is not working. Daily after reviewing the Just Quit survey results I realize that most people feel HOPELESS because they:

1. Hate or feel burned out with what they are currently doing; and
2. Don’t know what they are passionate about; or
3. Can’t seem to do what they are passionate about and make enough money doing that thing. 

I mean basically that is what is boils down to for folks who find this blog.  Even if folks are not at the point of typing into google something that lands them here; there are still those suffering in jobs WORLDWIDE that they are not well-suited for and feel stuck at, because:

1. They fell into professions and they don’t know a way out – 
2. They worked many professions for others and now want to do their own thing – 
3. They have families and pensions depending on them to keep doing their current jobs (they don’t like or where they feel unheard or unappreciated).

Having a Vision

I am big on having a vision and creating a vision so that folks in an organization can know where they are going.  I have come to realize that it is not impossible as an individual to create a vision (AND ACHIEVE IT) for yourself, your family, your community and your life.

Of course we’ve all heard this before BUT after you get to a certain age you come to realize that it is easier said than done.  How many have created plans that haven’t worked out? Dreams that have gone unfulfilled?  Careers that have derailed? Jobs that feel like dead-ends? How many reading this can relate? Too many!

So, I have realized that maybe the problem is…We are dreaming too small…We are hoping for too little…We are being too incremental.

I will have a boat here in this marina in Hampton, VA in 2020 five (5) years from now.

We need to create a life from here on out that is big and bodacious. GO BIG or GO HOME.  Stop being afraid of losing your job (that you hate), applying for jobs similar to the job (that you hate), working for a little bit of money at a job that you hate.

Waking up day-after-day; week-after-week; year-after-year going through the motions. Why are people doing this? Trust me if you can relate to this you are NOT alone, many are in the same boat.

So, what are we going to do about it?

Let’s go on a journey together. From one port to another.  I’ll start the journey and you can watch or participate along with me.  I’ll go back to weekly Sunday blogging as I CRAFT a BIG and bodacious DREAM to CREATE an organization that GIVES PEOPLE COURAGE TO PURSUE MEANINGFUL WORK.  I will take my ideas, my art, my books, my friends, my money, and my skills and pour them into one place for people who stumble on this blog (which will transform and grow) to be a resource for those who desire to live fully and leave a legacy of creativity.

 

 

Deciding To Be Happy & Uniquely You

Today, whatever day you find this post and read it – DECIDE to be happy — just try it for a day.  

Don’t worry about why you aren’t happy, can’t be happy, shouldn’t be happy — just “pretend” like you ARE happy.

Half of  the battle of “being” happy is being okay with who you are right here and now and knowing that you are working towards finding your place in the world. You might not be where you want to be, but just be where you are. 

Just for today, forget about being miserable in your job.  Forget about needing more money. Forget about all those things you want and don’t have…just…

DECIDE to be happy & Do it in style! 

 

 

This Time...Play to WIN

 “You can’t stop the future
You can’t rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
…is to press play.”  – Jay Asher

How things converged this week to lead to:

This Time…Play to WIN

• Researching “Controlling Emotions” for a training session and exercise that I need to design for work: Learning about brain physiology, automatic thoughts, and freeze framing.
• Started Coursera Course entitled “Know Thyself” and learning about: Socrates, components of the self, the difference between emotions and moods and bamboo breathing.
• Discovering and trying  a new art medium transferring ink onto wood which allows for a massive opportunity for me to create beyond my drawing ability: when you follow your bliss doors open that weren’t there before – Joseph Campbell
• Finishing an interesting book about developing strategy called Playing to Win.  Although the book is about

  

  Play to WIN

  corporate strategy and what P&G did in particular, as I read it all I keep thinking about was how this could be used for an individual life.  I created a model for myself to use for the next year based on the basic principles:

1. Don’t just play the game of life, play to WIN the game
2. Define what WINNING will look like in all areas of my life
3. Figure out WHERE to play to WIN
4. Figure out HOW to play to WIN
5. Figure out WHO I want on my team of life who also wants to WIN
6. Play to My Strengths, and
7. Manage What Matters Most

1. A practical example of using the model to make a decision: Going out to dinner with a boyfriend from my past who was in town from California. Although I was VERY tempted and the mental chatter in my head kept making statements like : “how bad could it be”,  “it’s couldn’t hurt”, “it’s just dinner, just go”  –   BUT –  I quickly went through the WINNING model and it didn’t fit in playing to WIN in any way possible for ME, (for him maybe – apparently – but not for me ). So, my final answer was a clear and definitive: “NO, I’m not interested, but I hope that you have fun while you’re in town”.  And most importantly I meant it, that I hoped he had fun, but I was choosing not to be apart of it. SCORE!  A deliberate choice that was focused on the best use of my time and energy for the weekend. 

To win you have to make conscious choices.

You have to decide.

When you make a choice you are letting go of ALL THE OTHER CHOICES you could have made. When you are clear on what winning looks like for your life, then the choices are easier to make  – because –  you KNOW what fits and more importantly what doesn’t fit in your winning strategy.

…all the above lead me to…This Time…”Gonna love myself more than anyone else. Gonna treat me right. Won’t let my emotions rule my life. Gonna be my own best friend. I’m going to be the one to WIN”.  

WHY NOT???  

NO MORE JUST PARTICIPATING IN THE GAME.

PLAY TO WIN!

Play to Win:

Examine Your Life

Check Your Emotions

& 

Follow Your Bliss

 

Tell Your Story

“To be a person is to have a story to tell.” ~Isak Dinesen

Everybody has a story.

You have a story.

Everybody you meet today has a story.

We all have stories.

Your mom has (had) a story. Your dad has (had) a story.  Your ancestors, your children and their children all have or will have stories. 

Nina Simone was a FABULOUS piano player and she had her story. Here she is making up a song as she goes along…and telling us to “tell our story”.  She says towards the end that “we always, we always, we always have a story” and plays the piano with passion as she goes in the creative zone.

 

 What’s Your Story? Are You Telling It? Will You Listen To Someone Else’s Story Today?  They Want to Tell Their Story Too.   Letting Go (of What Is) & Letting Come (What Could Be) Is a Story of Transformation.

Don’t be Afraid To Let Go (of something/someone/some place) that you know that you need to let go of. If it no longer fits and no longer works for who you have become, then let it go. It Will Just Be Part of YOUR Story, so have courage and LET GO…(go into the tunnel of the unknown, you’ll come out on the other side)…LET COME the future that wants to emerge as a part of YOUR story.

Here is Nina Simone singing and playing “Feelings” with so much feeling…at about 3:10 she is simply amazing –   

Reflecting on Love, Pain and Letting Go

 

Love and pain go hand-in-hand don’t they?  The more you “love” the more “pain” you have when you lose what you love.

Love a person…you break up, you get divorced or they die

Love your looks…they’ll fade

Love your body…it gets old, maybe you get fat, or even get cancer

Love your car…you hear funny sounds and it breaks down

Love your house…it needs repairs

Love your children…they don’t call because they’ve got their own lives

Love your grandchildren…they think you’re old and out of touch

Love your husband…he cheats on you

Love your wife…she cheats too (maybe she’s smarter about it, so you don’t even suspect it)

Love your job…it’s just a job and you get laid off or are worried about getting laid off

Love your money…it can only buy you stuff and more stuff and if you have a lot of money you’re wondering why the hell you aren’t happier!

Love your flower garden…it dies in the winter

Love your college degrees…yep you worked hard to get them and you spent a lot of money but sometimes those degrees are W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S.  You could have went on-line and got the information for free if you’d known exactly what you were interested in learning.  Don’t believe me? Here ya go…Coursera...free college courses from some of the top Universities…all free

Love your clothes…they get too small

Love your friends…guess what you confused being  THEIR friend with them being YOURS…they never were really there for you

Love celebrities…they are people too…they’re just faking it acting like they’re making it

Love your pets…they cost you money and then they die and then THAT cost you money

Love your life…you’ll die too…one day…it’s really hard to accept it, but it’s true

Face it, life is about changing and growing which is all about letting go.

Yes, I agree that this post might seem “negative”, but “negative” is an aspect of life.  Until you embrace that you’ll be running around thinking everything is suppose to be “positive”. That ain’t how life works.

Keep on loving, but realize that a part of loving is losing and it hurts.  You will be in pain. You have to learn to embrace both the love and the pain of loving.

I heard the below last night on NPR’s Moth Radio Hour.  It made me think of how we need to take the “clown” mask off our face and live our lives embracing both the “best of times and the worse of times”. We need  to have compassion for ourselves and for others because everyone is “dealing” with something.

As  the below will show you (be prepared it might bring up some strong emotions) sometimes you have to “man-up” and take life head-on — letting go of one thing after the other — until you get down to the core of who you are and what you’re made of.

Let Go of The Clowns in Your Life

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed

by the things you didn’t do,

then by the things you did do. 

So throw off the bowlines. 

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails. 

Explore.  Dream.  Discover.      

Mark Twain

A Clown that was in my office. He twirled around on a spindle.  He fell and broke. I looked at it and thought:”Don’t put the clowns back together that are in your life, leave them broken.” I glued the broken pieces onto a piece of wood instead of gluing them back together and made this plaque entitled                 NO MORE CLOWNS

The Clowns:

Habits…that don’t serve you

People…that don’t like you

Food…that doesn’t taste good

Beliefs…that aren’t questioned

Friends…that aren’t there for you

Thoughts…that run like broken records

Pleasing Others…even though it makes you miserable

Not Doing Stuff…because of what others may think

Putting Things Off…you know eventually you’ll have to do

Reliving The Past…that you can’t bring back

Closing Your Heart…because you’ve been hurt

Doing Work…that doesn’t serve others

Doing Work…that hurts others

Lying To Yourself…about yourself

Denying The Truth…as you discover it

Settling for “what is” or “who is” or “where you are”

Wasting Your Life

Being Afraid…To Let Go

What are the Clowns in Your Life?

The Clowns are a metaphor for things that you need to let go of. Things that have run its course.Things that are holding you back. 

Just let them go.  Don’t keep fixing them up.  

If you don’t let them go you can’t  EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER. the life that is waiting for you. It’s waiting on you, but you have to sail away from the safe harbor  (the known for the unknown).

"Hit It In The Corner"

I can’t remember where I was…some gym…somewhere…and this lady basketball player came over to me and taught me how to shoot a lay-up. She just walked up from out of nowhere, told me what to do and walked away.

She said:” just aim for the top corner and it will go in almost every time”.

It was like magic…I aimed for the corner and the basketball went in.

Life is like making that lay-up:

1. There are proven techniques and tips for living a well-lived life.  You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

2. People will come out of no-where to help you. Be open to the universe bringing things to you to help you. Life really doesn’t have to be a struggle. If you’re struggling then you’re forcing “your way” and maybe that’s not the way things are suppose to work out.

3. It does you no good in life to know what to do and then not do it – you have to take action.

Sometimes that action is letting go…of the familiar…of the person…of the job…of the belief…of the pain…of the hurt…of the past…

When you let go you enter into what I call the “dark tunnel of change” – a.k.a., the unknown.  You have to trust in yourself and in life in knowing that all will be well.

No matter the outcome.

Here is where most people get stuck.  Most people think of the outcome as having to be either “good” or “bad”. Regardless of the outcome (letting come) there will be aspects that are BOTH “good” AND “bad”.  There has to be because life is all about balance.  You need the night and the day, the summer and the winter, the positive and the negative (think about how a battery works- you can’t just have the positive charge only – it won’t work).

Once you truly understand this little mystery of life, it will feel like you’ve cracked the code.

You will no longer be running around chasing everything being “good” and wondering why everything isn’t “all good” in your life – wanting just happiness, light and love.   That is not realistic and not how life works.  There is sadness, there is hatred and there is death.  But sadness is the other side of happiness and death the other side of life.  It’s just opposite ends of the same coin.  You can not have one without the other.

When you practice letting go a.k.a. allowing life to happen –  not forcing things – not struggling to orchestrate everything – and not holding on to what or who is not for you then and only then will you be able to make sense out of what you are suppose to be, do and have:

• “be”  – who you are. Most people have no idea who they are.  They are afraid to find out. They don’t like themselves and they try to fool everybody, including themselves, instead of doing the really hard work of just being who they are.  Here’s a secret: You have to figure out what you want to “be”  first (mostly because you “are a being”) then the “doing” (of that being) and “having” (for that being) will fall into place.      So, how do you figure out who you are?:

1. Get behind that voice in your head – you know the one – the one that is talking to you all the time.  It will block you from getting to know the real you. It’s like a wall and until you can knock it down you will never know the real you.  You will only know the persona, but not what is behind all the facade.
2. You have to develop a relationship with that voice. It is not the real you.  You can not be afraid of it.  You can not be afraid of all the scary things it will come up with once you start paying attention to it.  You will have to face it down like a bully on the playground.  Have no fear.  All it is is a bully and once you deal with it, guess what, it backs down.  How do you deal with it? First just stare it down.  Let it do it’s thing.  The only difference is that you will be paying attention to it.  Being totally aware.  How do you do this?  Lay on the couch and just let  your thoughts run wild.  Allow them to happen, but don’t attach yourself to solving anything or even thinking any of it makes sense.   In the bully analogy –  let it beat the hell out of you a couple of times.  You are just figuring out how it fights, so you will know how to conquer it.  After you can successfully do that for a while (just allow your thoughts to happen) THEN you can proceed to knock it the hell out.   How do you do that? You silence it.  You shut it down.  You stop it from all that chatter.  Expect it to fight you every step of the way. It will try to make it really hard for you to silence it because it wants to still act like it’s you.  It will tell you it CAN’T be silence.  It will tell you it’s too hard and you shouldn’t even try.  Don’t worry it can be silence and don’t give up trying no matter how long it takes or how hard it is. Once you silence that voice you will find another “still small voice” that is the real you.  You will instantly recognize it once you hear it.  Once you “hear” THAT voice (actually it sounds more like a musical tone or frequency to me) you have made the connection to the Source of everything.  This Source is in you and in everything else (the trees, the sky, the ocean, the animals, other people, ect). But you can not make the connection to it until you remove the block – face the bully – knock it out, then…you reach another level…
3. You will realize that you ARE That Source expressing itself as a human being through your body, your eyes, your heart, using your legs, in your part of the world, ect. No one or nothing in the entire universe can be you or do what you need to do as an expression of  The Source.  Only you can be the expression of you and there is no other reason for you being here other than being who you are.  So, if you try to be someone or something else then it won’t work out.  You will always be struggling.   It’s like a fish trying to fly or a bird trying to swim.   How will you know once you’ve figured out who you are?  You  will absolutely fall in love  with that being. Then and only then will you be able to do and have what is needed for that expression. 

• do” –  what that “being” is destined to do (purpose or reason for being)

• “have”– what is meant for that “being” to have in order to do what it needs to “do” (it’s purpose)  
  

  Holding on is like shooting a lay-up with your eye’s  closed or behind your back.

Letting go is like practicing “hitting it in the corner”  – you’re focused, you’re sure,  you’re relaxed, you’re not afraid of failure…why…because you know it works…even if it doesn’t work out every single time… you know it works the majority of the time…

You let go (of what is no longer right for you or your growth) in order to let come (make room in your life for the new thing that is right for you and your growth)…and what happens?

Things work out.

You’ve Hit It In The Corner and The Ball Goes Through The Net.

SCORE!

 

 

 

In the Tunnel of Change

You don’t know how long you’re going to be in this tunnel before you see the light.

When you have to let go of something, someone, some place, some dream, your plans, who you were, who you were with, or where you were — You feel lost at first.

You have to find a new normal.

Your days and nights feel so “different”.

It’s scary at first. It’s dark.  It’s feels cold and unfamiliar.

You have no idea what’s around the next corner or what the next day will bring. 

Depending on how long you’ve been practicing letting go will depend on how you navigate your way through this tunnel.

Will you keep busy? Will you truly experience the feelings that you are having?  Will you just push through?  Will you keep going and pretend like nothing has changed?  Will you break?  Will you fall down? Will you get back up? Will you stop? Will you cry? Will you stay in the bed? Will you long for what you let go of? Will you look back? Will you keep going, not afraid, but looking forward to what’s to come?

There is this “sweet spot” in the tunnel of change.

It’s a place where you know you are closer to “letting come” something or someone new  – than you are from what you’ve had to let go of.

It’s a place where you know if you just keep going that you’re going to get through this too.

It’s a place where you know that what you let go of  — you can NEVER really get back the same way again — it’s gone…it’s in the past…your past…part of your story…

When you get to the sweet spot it’s a place where you don’t WANT to go back. It’s a place where you don’t even WANT to look back. It’s a place where you know as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other – take one day then the next  – that you will get through the tunnel.

In this “sweet spot”  you’re not quite at the point where you can see the light. You’re not at the point where you know what’s coming or what’s on the other side.

You’re at the point where all you know is that what’s ahead is not what you left behind – it will be different – that’s all you know, is that it will be something or someone different. You’re at the point when you are happy that you “finally” let go of it or them.

There is a sweet spot in the dark dank tunnel of change that you MUST go through to “let come” what is trying to emerge in you, in your life, into the world through you. 

Just know that it is scary at first when you embark into the Letting Go to Let Come Tunnel of Change, but there is a sweet spot that you hit and then it just feels like you’ve grown.  You are proud of yourself for letting go and moving on…again…