Reflecting on Love, Pain and Letting Go

 

Love and pain go hand-in-hand don’t they?  The more you “love” the more “pain” you have when you lose what you love.

Love a person…you break up, you get divorced or they die

Love your looks…they’ll fade

Love your body…it gets old, maybe you get fat, or even get cancer

Love your car…you hear funny sounds and it breaks down

Love your house…it needs repairs

Love your children…they don’t call because they’ve got their own lives

Love your grandchildren…they think you’re old and out of touch

Love your husband…he cheats on you

Love your wife…she cheats too (maybe she’s smarter about it, so you don’t even suspect it)

Love your job…it’s just a job and you get laid off or are worried about getting laid off

Love your money…it can only buy you stuff and more stuff and if you have a lot of money you’re wondering why the hell you aren’t happier!

Love your flower garden…it dies in the winter

Love your college degrees…yep you worked hard to get them and you spent a lot of money but sometimes those degrees are W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S.  You could have went on-line and got the information for free if you’d known exactly what you were interested in learning.  Don’t believe me? Here ya go…Coursera...free college courses from some of the top Universities…all free

Love your clothes…they get too small

Love your friends…guess what you confused being  THEIR friend with them being YOURS…they never were really there for you

Love celebrities…they are people too…they’re just faking it acting like they’re making it

Love your pets…they cost you money and then they die and then THAT cost you money

Love your life…you’ll die too…one day…it’s really hard to accept it, but it’s true

Face it, life is about changing and growing which is all about letting go.

Yes, I agree that this post might seem “negative”, but “negative” is an aspect of life.  Until you embrace that you’ll be running around thinking everything is suppose to be “positive”. That ain’t how life works.

Keep on loving, but realize that a part of loving is losing and it hurts.  You will be in pain. You have to learn to embrace both the love and the pain of loving.

I heard the below last night on NPR’s Moth Radio Hour.  It made me think of how we need to take the “clown” mask off our face and live our lives embracing both the “best of times and the worse of times”. We need  to have compassion for ourselves and for others because everyone is “dealing” with something.

As  the below will show you (be prepared it might bring up some strong emotions) sometimes you have to “man-up” and take life head-on — letting go of one thing after the other — until you get down to the core of who you are and what you’re made of.

Let Go of The Clowns in Your Life

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed

by the things you didn’t do,

then by the things you did do. 

So throw off the bowlines. 

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails. 

Explore.  Dream.  Discover.      

Mark Twain

A Clown that was in my office. He twirled around on a spindle.  He fell and broke. I looked at it and thought:”Don’t put the clowns back together that are in your life, leave them broken.” I glued the broken pieces onto a piece of wood instead of gluing them back together and made this plaque entitled                 NO MORE CLOWNS

The Clowns:

Habits…that don’t serve you

People…that don’t like you

Food…that doesn’t taste good

Beliefs…that aren’t questioned

Friends…that aren’t there for you

Thoughts…that run like broken records

Pleasing Others…even though it makes you miserable

Not Doing Stuff…because of what others may think

Putting Things Off…you know eventually you’ll have to do

Reliving The Past…that you can’t bring back

Closing Your Heart…because you’ve been hurt

Doing Work…that doesn’t serve others

Doing Work…that hurts others

Lying To Yourself…about yourself

Denying The Truth…as you discover it

Settling for “what is” or “who is” or “where you are”

Wasting Your Life

Being Afraid…To Let Go

What are the Clowns in Your Life?

The Clowns are a metaphor for things that you need to let go of. Things that have run its course.Things that are holding you back. 

Just let them go.  Don’t keep fixing them up.  

If you don’t let them go you can’t  EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER. the life that is waiting for you. It’s waiting on you, but you have to sail away from the safe harbor  (the known for the unknown).

Should You Quit Your Job Without Another One Lined Up?

In the below survey link is a list of things you need to do to quit your job without another one lined up:

Just Quit Your Job Survey

I created this survey because of the number of emails that I get from folks who are so miserable in their current job situations.   Also, I don’t see any real help out there on the internet to help people make this decision.

There is a little bit of fear in courage…just a little bit…

• Quitting without another job takes courage.  It’s a tough decision. Don’t expect this process to be easy. It’s NOT going to easy, but it can be very rewarding.
  
• Quitting without another job takes planning.  You might be really miserable in your current job, but you didn’t get here overnight and you are not going to get out of it overnight either.  If you fail to plan, you WILL fail in this endeavor. What you will find when you start planning for quitting without another job lined up is the EXCITEMENT about the POSSIBILITIES for your life and your future.  
• Quitting without another job, is at the end of the day YOUR decision.  It is NOT, however, one of those life decisions to make lightly.

I hope the survey helps you, or  someone you know who might be struggling trying to make this decision.

You can only have two things in life,

Reasons or Results.

Reasons don’t count.

~ Dr. Robert Anthony

 

Just Quit Playing It Safe

I get a couple of emails a month mostly from people sharing their story.  Usually it is about being miserable in their job. This week, however, I got an email from a famous photographer (I guess) from somewhere in the world (I think Germany). I had used one of his pictures (which was beautiful) in one of my posts.  He emailed me to let me know and asked me to remove it or pay for it’s use.

What I do is usually type the post and then look for a picture on the internet that depicts whatever I am trying to convey.

So now… I have to question myself…

Why do I feel I need to add a picture to my posts?

One of my favorite blogs has NO pictures, at all, and his posts are rather lengthy little epistles, but I read every word.

So, why do I feel I need a picture in my posts?  I think that it is the instructional designer in me that knows that folks learn in different ways and that pictures speak messages that words can not.

I  also know that everybody will not have the patience to read my long posts, but I do enjoy writing them… and it’s great FREE therapy.

About Playing It Safe

Yesterday after I went to exercise class I was going to jump in the car and head on into my day which includes lists and stuff to do. As I was walking to my car I realized how very STUPID that was.  There was NOTHING on my list that could not wait.

I did not have to catch a plane.  

I did not have to pick up a child.  

I did not have an appointment to be anywhere at any particular time 

…so WHAT was I rushing about for?

 Instead of jumping in the car I sat on the bench  in front of a labyrinth.

It had been a while since I walked a labyrinth and I knew at that moment I was not going to meditatively walk it today either, but I did want to sit on the bench and look at it, so, I just sat there.

I’m at an age now where I do not care what others may think of what I am doing, of what I am wearing or what I am saying.  It is liberating.

This exercise class that I go to is very popular, so much so, that the instructor can increase the price, change the times, change the location and folks will continue to follow him around for the exercise EXPERIENCE. I’ve been going for several years, so, I knew many of these ‘exercise class folks’ would remember me from the exercise class that had finished  just 3 minutes ago, and they would wonder what I was doing just SITTING on a bench staring into nothingness.

Again, I did not care.

As I sat there I thought about the photographer guy and his award winning picture that I had used (and subsequently removed at his request).

I thought why don’t I just use my own pictures on my blog posts?  I came up with lots of reasons, but mostly that:

• I haven’t REALLY figured out how to use the digital camera I purchased to take pictures of my crafts so I could sell them on Etsy (there are NO pictures or products for sale on my Etsy page for this very reason).
• Next question: Why don’t I know how to use the camera?  Because I haven’t read the instruction book.
• Next question: Would I have to carry the camera with me everywhere I go? Probably, but  I can’t put the camera in my purse.  Why? I refused to buy the $15 case which was a SEPARATE purchase.  That was just on sheer “GOOD GRIEF WHY ISN’T THERE A CASE IN THE BOX WITH THE CAMERA?”

But…I digress….

FINALLY…ABOUT PLAYING IT SAFE

While I was sitting on the bench I looked up at the trees ( I love trees).  

There was a squirrel climbing up the tree—WAY up the tree.

He kept stopping for long periods of time.  I was fascinated by this.

What was he doing?

Wasn’t he afraid of falling? Was he?

Would he go back down the tree or keep going up?

Well, finally he went to the tip-top of one tree and THEN onto the tiniest branch so that he could JUMP to the other tree.

He met-up with another squirrel and then went on pass him or her (who knows) to ENJOY the ADVENTURE of climbing up and down the trees and JUMPING from branch to branch and tree to tree.

These were VERY tall trees.  

It was fascinating.

Suppose We Lived Our Lives Like That Little Squirrel…

Maybe you are afraid to go further than you’ve ever gone before.

Maybe you hesitate as you get out of your comfort zone, or the ground for the squirrel, but you venture on.

Once you get your balance in the new place, you then venture on.

You go up to the top (reach your goal)  BUT even then you don’t STOP the adventure you venture OUT on the slimmest of limbs (the unknown – new heights) and you FIND another tree, another adventure, another passion, another friend, another love,  another life – because you AREN’T afraid to leave the familiar ground that you are used to…time and time again…you venture on.

You Let Go of What Is to Let Come What Could Be

I just watched that little squirrel and thought about writing this post.

My Picture of The Trees Near the Labyrinth – The Squirrel is Gone

Then I thought I NEEDED a picture.

I walked to my car, got my phone and used that camera to take a picture of the squirrel.

Of course he/she was long gone (on another adventure — remember) nowhere to be found.

I took the picture of the trees he/she was climbing.

WE CAN BE LIKE THAT LITTLE SQUIRREL

 Sometimes you have to go out on a limb…isn’t that where the fruit is?

(That’s a Will Rogers’ quote by the way).  I wonder if I will be able to quote others on my blog or if that will be off-limits as well???   I’m sure I’ll be thinking about intellectual property matters for a while.  I guess my thought has been that there is really only one “intelligence” from which all things come, so how could someone claim true ownership when it just came through them, but it’s not really theirs, it belongs to the universe.  Well, okay, I guess they did co-create it, so they have some ownership to it.  Certainly from a commercial  and legal standpoint I get it.  Everyone needs to make a living!

Increasing Your Energy - NOT Losing Weight

It’s a New Year…again…a New Year

Most people go into EVERY new year with the same “resolution” – Lose Weight

What happens?  It doesn’t work.  They DON’T lose weight.

Why Not? Because they try stuff other people tell them to try.

So, you shouldn’t really think that anyone can tell YOU what to do to “lose weight”.  I can’t and no one else can either. 

What I can tell you is how to increase the energy flowing into your body.

If you can change the focus from “losing” something to “gaining” something the entire “game” changes.  You know the game that  I’m talking about – it tells you that you have to go on crash diets, join a gym, take a pill, get a shot, etc, etc, etc, and most importantly “how you can lose weight in one month that has taken you YEARS to gain”  This does not work, but we all know this, so … 

Just Focus on Increasing Your Energy  –  

Below are 3 Ways:

1. Breathing

You have to focus on the “health” of your breath.  

You have to breathe. You have to find ways to increase the air coming into your body.  

Ways to do this:

• Just watch your breath, breathe in and breathe out and focus on it.  (Try it now, it’s not easy, so you have to practice it.)  Without breathing you die…so it MUST be important.
• Do Yoga and I am NOT talking about Yoga CLASSES (why would you pay money for something you can do at home???) just get a DVD from the Library and try it. Times are tough, getting stuff from the Library is FREE.  You might have to do some research first because it seems to be a MILLION “types” of Yoga that have sprung up (whew…the commercialization of it all…).  Find the Yoga that makes the most sense to YOU.  My spirit lines up with Kundalini Yoga, but that’s only after trial and error. Yoga will help you focus on your breath and it will help you with flexibility at the same time.
• Walk – Just Walk.  If you CAN still walk, then WALK.  If you can not get up and walk around the block or just around your house or apartment then WHAT makes you think you can get up and go to the gym – for which you have to pay for? Just walk everyday and focus on your breath while you are walking. Again this is FREE. 

2. Sleeping

• Getting restorative sleep should give you the energy for the next day
• Find ways to get enough rest that revitalizes you.

3. Eating

• You are a human being.  You have to eat to live.  You can’t get around this.
• Food gives your body the nourishment and energy that it needs to do whatever your body is meant to do – for the moment – for the day –  for your lifetime.
• You have to find the foods that YOUR body needs.  You have to focus on food that provides the energy that YOU need.  Look at the food you are putting  into your body, BEFORE you eat it.  Will it give you proper energy?  Is it nourishing?  

I would have thought I would have been the LAST person to recommend meal preparation and cooking, but once I started focusing on cooking my own meals things fell into place.  

Forget about the fact that you can’t cook.  Don’t believe that voice in your head that is telling you that.  Just cook what you CAN for now.  Even if all you can do is boil eggs, then boil eggs.  Just start. 

That’s it – BREATH, SLEEP, EAT to increase your energy level  – don’t struggle with it – ENJOY IT!

The Sky, The Birds, and The Trees

Do you want to be happy everyday of your life?

1. Look up at the Sky.

When you are walking outside or even driving your car look up at the sky.  The sky is different EVERYDAY.

It is an amazing sight to see when you study it.

The clouds, the formation of clouds, the different shapes of clouds, the different colors of the clouds.  The blue color that is ALWAYS behind the clouds…no matter the number of clouds…that blue is ALWAYS behind the clouds.

Like your life…no matter the circumstances (good or bad depending on your perspective)…there is ALWAYS stability behind your daily life ups and downs…weather you realize it or not.

2. Watch the Birds.

Watch their behavior.  Listen to their songs. Watch them take flight.  Watch them watching you. And oh my…if you are as blessed as I have felt over the last several months…watch the eagles fly high in the sky. You are in for such a treat it will take your breath away.

Imagine if you lived your life-like an eagle in flight in the sky.

Soaring high, effortlessly, soaring through life not flailing and flapping your wings to fly…just soaring.

3. Notice ALL the Trees.

They are living.  They stand tall.  Their limbs sway in the wind.  Their roots go deep and wide.  They just stand.  They watch.  They know.

And oh, the trees that are “dead” are so fascinating.  They are “dead” but STILL standing.  They are “dead” but STILL have character.  They are “dead” but STILL speak.

Books can not hold the lessons you will learn first-hand by looking at the trees. They change when the season’s change, they stand tall through the storms, and they are steadfast.

Have you ever thought of living your life that way…being okay with change – embracing it, not fighting it…standing tall through the storms of life…and being steadfast in your convictions, values and relationships.

So, today, tomorrow and the next day

Look up at the sky (really look at it),

Watch the birds (listen and look at them), and

Notice the trees (both the ones that are alive and “dead”)

You will discover the in Awe and Wonder of Nature – Life

Monte - Featured for January 2013

“There is only one better thing than music – live music.”

-Jacek Bukowski 

Beginning in 2013 somewhere in the world, people will be able to enjoy Monte performing live music using the Handpan.   Only Monte will be able to play the Handpan the way Monte will play it, no one else will be able to do that in the ENTIRE world.

Monte contacted me by email after finding the post entitled Pots & Pans, Hands & Soul . You can check out his blog and keep up with him at HeHappyThere.com

Dawn of a New Day

Monte is our featured Just Quit = Letting Go Folk for January 2013.

He’s decided to Let Go of “what is” to Let Come “the life that wants to live through him”.

It is not an easy task to be true to yourself.  You have to get past the voices in your head and the voices of others telling you that you’ve lost your mind.  As Monte puts it in his blog  you have to deal with people asking you why you are “throwing it all away”?

The beauty of it all is that folks like Monte are taking the challenge to live life fearlessly.

To go on their adventure, to live life on their own terms and to experience the joy of expressing the creativity that lives within.

It takes courage to live the life that is meant for you to live.

Congratulations Monte and Keep Us Posted at Just Quit = Letting Go!

Please feel free to contact me if you too have figured out that you need to let go of living someone else’s life and have the courage to listen to your heart and do what you need to do…Let Go (of what is) and Let Come (the life that could be)