Total Allowing - Being Fearless

Have you ever just allowed your thoughts to happen?

Your mind is chattering all the time – most of the time without any real awareness from you – but have you just allowed it to go on and on AND just noticed it?

It is an interesting thing to do – just allowing your thoughts to happen.

Not trying to change them.  Not trying to stop them. Not trying to control them. Just Allowing Them.  Just Watching Them.

Trust Life. Allow Don’t Force

When you completely allow them to happen – even the scariest ones – it brings a level of peace that is hard to really understand.

Once you allow the fear in and just face it, it gets smaller.

When you are “fearless” and allow the fearful thoughts they cower away like a bully who has met its match.

Total Allowing (& The Source of This Term)

I’ve been practicing this – total allowing –  for a several months now after finding one of the best blogs on planet earth…at least to me…called Calm Down Mind. There is information in his posts that truly resonant with me.  It’s like a foreign language that I understand and have been looking for FOREVER.

Below is an example of how allowing played out during the month of July:  (the below will seem “bad”, but these things were going to happen anyway, so, it’s more a matter of how I reacted to them than to the facts themselves)

The air conditioner went out in the heat of summer.  “Oh no!  How much will that cost?” was the first thing that came to mind. Major system repairs are the greatest fear of homeowners because it’s a major expense.  I actually was VERY fearful, but I just allowed the fearful thoughts.  I really paid attention to how I felt, the emotions that were causing sensations in my body. It was really very bad.  I even wrote about it, just typed out how I was feeling in a word document just to get it out and put it in writing.  The Solution:  The compressor only needed Freon. It happened to be R-22, which is expensive (long story), but not a MAJOR expense.  Calamity averted!

Then a week later the air conditioner went out again.  This time I wasn’t afraid as much. Not the overwhelming – “What am I going to do type of fear”.  It became rather matter of fact for me. Call the company back, be home for them to come out, deal with whatever was wrong with the unit.

This time I needed a new coil  – $1300.  It’s gets worse.  The compressor worked, but the compressor takes the “old” R-22 refrigerate and if I use that compressor with a new coil when the compressor did die (and it was at the end of its life)  I’ll then need another new coil as well because you can’t mix the old and a new refrigerate in the same coil.

Okay – it’s a purchasing decision – I needed a new coil and compressor. I negotiated the price down to $4000 after learning all about the two pieces of equipment. But, honestly who has $4,000 just lying around and accessible these days?  Still I didn’t panic.  My mind kept telling me to be afraid and all the reasons I should be panicking, but I wasn’t afraid. I just allowed those thoughts in and went back to thinking about my options. I could find the money.  Still not panicking. I just kept wondering – “why aren’t you afraid?”  I felt I should have been afraid because I really couldn’t afford this $4000 expense, but I wasn’t panicked.

Then I get the call that you NEVER want to get.  Death in your family.  Not just any family member but your mother. So, your air is out to the tune of $4,000 to get it replaced and your mother just died. Still. Don’t. Panic. The air conditioner situation seemed really small after knowing that my mother had just died  — tiny.

Dealing with all the emotions that were whirling around and in me during the week before my mother’s funeral and the day of the funeral were truly one of a kind.  That’s another blog…

Coming back from the funeral to a hot-house and having to endure it for a week until I could schedule the repairman.  There were some moments I got fearful because I was dizzy and almost fainted in the 104 degree heated house.  It felt like a sauna, even at night, but I allowed that as well and just experienced it. All I kept thinking about was how grateful I would be once I had air back.  I just did not want to forget how miserable I was then, so I could remain grateful later on.  Then I contemplated growing up without air conditioner for 18 years and thought of all the people over the world who don’t have air conditioner now.

Basically what I learned over the month of July 2012 was that “total allowing” – works.  It’s not easy and it takes work, but it does work.  Those times during that first week of mourning my mother that I tried to force something it really backfired because strong or misplaced emotions came roaring back. It is NOT easy to allow your thoughts and to act and not react to things that are happening, but it is a step towards growth, and trust in the universe, and in God (as you know God to be), and knowing that everything is working out as it should.

Fear starts in the mind and in the thoughts, but when you don’t allow the frightening ones they don’t go away.

You try to abort them and they don’t die.

 They come back with a vengeance.

So, part of letting go… is letting go of trying to control your thoughts –  out of fear of those thoughts.

Just Totally Allow.

Letting Go of Loved Ones

There is an energetic wrenching or pulling that takes place when a loved one dies. No matter how you put it when a blood tie goes, something changes in the universe – your universe.   When that blood tie is your mother it’s like the center has shifted and you have to find your barring – a new normal I guess.

Breathing Feels Different Now…

I kind of feel like an orphan now that I don’t have a mother or father living.

I’m sure you can’t be considered an orphan at middle-age, but that’s how I feel.  It’s a hollow feeling. It feels like something has happened to me. It feels like a part of me is not here. It feels like some energy has been withdrawn from the universe and I can’t breathe the same.  It’s like the air is different.  I’ll never be able to breathe exactly the same.

I’m just 7 days away from my mother dying and I already know that making it through the funeral was just the beginning of “making it through this”.  I guess I kind of feel like I just want to be able to breathe normally again.

The Dead Don’t Just Die

In some aspects I feel closer to her than I have since I moved away.  I feel like I can talk to her and she might be listening.  She was always listening, even when I thought she wasn’t.  She’d say something wise or profound a month later about my situation or just life in general and then you’d know everything was going to be okay.

I kind of think I need to start another blog just about my mother, so that the necessary healing can occur.   I’m sure I’ll be finding pockets of grief for some time.  It’s been more than 15 years since my brother died and more than 10 since my father died and I still remember them.  The dead don’t just die, you keep them alive in your memory and your heart. My mother’s dying feels different through.  I can’t quite describe why, but I know I’ve never felt like this before. I’m trying to identify and classify it, but it’s hard.

I just keep thinking…as long as I keep on living…loved ones are going to keep on dying.  Death is a part of life. That reminds me of the very old man in The Green Mile.

Compassion for Others Starts With Remembering How You Felt

I want to remember how I feel right now,  even though I can’t really describe it adequately.  I want to remember so when other’s lose their mothers I will remember that energetic wrenching and breaking of the mother/child bond or cord and how strange it feels.

Yes, I’ll start another blog about my mother…this feels like a very deep rabbit hole that I’ve fallen into that I now have to crawl my way out of…but I’m looking forward to the growth and spiritual maturity that CAN occur if I really work on it.

Two Hours - Three Things

Last Tuesday I was able to go to the Meditation Sangha that I haven’t been able to go to for months because of work obligations.

In about a two-hour span I learned three things about letting go:

1. Let Go of Timing – Everything Happens In Its Own Time & Space

The Sangha starts at 7:00 p.m.  I got there at 6:45 p.m. so I wouldn’t feel rushed.  When I got to the parking lot there were about 10 cars there.  Usually there are about 4-5 people who come and go to the Sangha as I recalled. There was a “free” yoga class going on when I got to the meeting room.  Some of those people stayed for meditation and new people came after yoga was over.

It ended up being about 13 people in class.  Those who I remembered from when I’d come last  (about a year ago) welcomed me back.  I mentioned how the Sangha had grown and Darla, the creator of the group, told me that it started out with three (3) regulars and it has taken 10 years to grow to 10 regulars who come on a weekly basis.  I found that truly amazing.  The length of time it takes for something to grow and be sustainable.

That helped me learn to let go of the panic I was beginning to feel about no one registering for The Black Folder Project Workshop.  I just let go of thinking it had to be an immediate hit and was instantly alright with letting happen how I always knew I wanted things to go with the Project – organic – just let those who need to come – come. It might take 10 years for me to get 10 people in a workshop…who knows…but that is okay…so that was my first lesson in letting go.

2. TONGLEN

I didn’t remember Darla giving instructions for meditating or techniques that one could use while meditating.   Darla usually just recapped the process of how things would go for the hour:

She’d light incense, a candle, read a passage from a book, we’d do 20 minute sitting meditation, then 10 minute walking meditation (which she explained the how and why of that),15 minutes back to sitting and then you could stay for 30 minutes longer for the optional reading and discussing an ongoing book the Sangha was reading.

This time though she mentioned something I’d never heard of  called Tonglen.  It turns out that it’s an EASIER way for me to practice compassion or Metta Meditation.  I had been doing Metta Meditation for some time,  but it can be laborious going through all the steps and different people who are in your life.

Tonglen is easier because you can just use one person.  You breathe in the pain they are probably feeling or you think they are feeling and breathe out relief for that pain.

Tonglen is about taking and sending or Letting Go to Let Come!

It was as though this practice connected some dots for me.

The pain that you see that’s  all around you is the same pain that is inside of yourself.  It is inside of others as well, so it teaches you to learn to embrace it and “feel” it in your body.  Breathe into it.  Identify it if you can, but sometimes you can’t even identify the pain.  It allows you to embrace both pain and joy which in really a more mature way of  thinking about co-creating our future.

Pain and Pleasure – Two Sides of The Same Coin

The example that brings this home to me is an example of a battery.   You have the positive and the negative charge or the battery can not work.  You have to have both.  So, you can’t just want joy and bliss all the time in your life because that is not realistic.  You have to embrace both the painful feelings/experiences and the joyful feelings/experiences and just allow them to happen.  Don’t fight against the painful things.  The key is how you react to everything that makes the difference of if you will continue to grow and mature.

The Breath and The Pause

The more I meditate and research letting go to let come the more I keep coming back to the breath.  Somehow you can not escape the breath.  Breathing in and breathing out is the easy part, it happens naturally, but it’s in the pause between the “out” breath and the next “in” breath that you find the answers, but you have to recognize that.

Breathing “out” is like letting go, then you have the pause (or the tunnel as I call it) and then the letting come  – or the next “in” breath.

The letting come is right after the pause or the silence which is ever-present.  Call it what you want – God, Universal Mind, The Source –  I just call it the ever-present silence that underlies everything — back into which it comes and goes –it’s always there.  You just have to trust that pause.  You have to trust that everything will be okay during and after the pause.  You can’t get to the “in” breath or letting come unless you go through that pause/tunnel/eye of the needle/presence/God.

3. Ask Yourself Why First – Then Do Something You’ve Never Done Just for the Experience

I had never ever stayed for the readings after the meditation period, so I questioned myself as to why.  Several things came up: 1 I don’t feel like reading after meditating, 2.  I don’t feel like pulling out my reading glasses, 3.  I really don’t want to talk and get people to “really” know me unless I want to, nor do I want to “really” know what’s inside of  others unless I want to.  I just wanted to meditate and leave.  After I asked those questions of myself and heard the answers, I just let all of that go and decided that I would stay and see what it was about – why not – just have the experience.

Actually no one had to read.  Darla had brought her laptop and the book was online, yet most had a copy of the book and silently read along. So I didn’t have to read or have my reading glasses.  After the reading from a book by Pema Chodron people went around and started talking about what was important to them from the reading.

I had already decided that I would just listen and observe, unless someone asked me to say something.  MOST everyone was talking about letting go of something…letting go of control, letting go of not paying attention, letting go of stress, ect…

I don’t think I’ll need to stay for the reading next time, but I was glad I did on that day. I let go of whatever was holding me back from staying and just having that experience.  You can not KNOW until you experience it.  You can imagine, you can wonder, someone can tell you about it, but you can’t really KNOW…so now I KNOW.  The lesson is to get beyond just downloading what you think something is about and HAVE EXPERIENCES.  Life is about experiences…so…experience it!

 

Meditation - A Way To Practice Letting Go

 

Let Go – Meditate

Below is one of the best videos I have seen on how to meditate, why you should meditate and some of the experiences that you can have in a meditative state.

It’s about an hour-long, but it’s worth watching.

If you have not tried to meditate, or if you don’t think you know HOW to meditate the below will give you both the HOW and the WHY in the first 15 minutes or so.

After that it starts to talk about meditation and pyramids (this was very new to me, never heard of some of this stuff).

It can be really DEEP if you are just starting out, so the first 15 minutes is a must for those new to meditation.  Just try to get to the “no thoughts” state by watching your breath.  After you can do that then I would suggest going back to watch the remainder of the video, otherwise you might not give that first step a try.

The remaining 45 minutes or so describes experiences that maybe familiar to those who have been meditating for a while.  You’ll get a kick out of the reminder of the video, especially if you’ve had any of these experiences while meditating.  Enjoy!

Featured Folks Who Are Learning to Let Go

I am adding a new category.  I’m looking for a community of people with advice to give others about letting go to let come.  It could be a success story or a lesson learned.

I realized as I look at the statistics for which posts and pages are the most popular, on this blog, based on what people are searching for that land them on the site, that many of you may want to tell your story or have some wisdom to share.  You may not want to start your own blog and keep it updated.

If you would like to be a featured folk and contribute an article to The Just Quit Blog, go to the Products and Services page and complete the form. I will get back with you as soon as I can.

Share your story with others…give your insight…encourage someone… you never know someone may stumble on it and you might help them.

Letting Go Means You Have to "Jump"

Letting Go to Let Come is more about letting go when you KNOW you need to let go.  It’s not so much about letting go the moment you think that you do, because that might not be the right time.  Letting go takes time – it is a process –  but there comes a moment where there is a jumping off point and you have to do it.

It’s like when I went skydiving.  Everyone was in the plane talking about what the experience would be like – joking and having a good time.  

Then the moment came when we were up in the air at the right altitude and there was no turning back.

We  were scooting (being pushed!) down the bench not knowing what to expect once we  got to that open door.  Then you see the photographer in front of you dangling in the air and he says: “go” and before you can think about it you are pushed out of the plane.  There is no thinking, no wondering, and no decision to make.  You MADE the decision when you got on the plane.  You will jump.  You are pushed out of the plane and you have to jump.

Push Yourself = Trust Yourself

In letting go you are pushing yourself out of your current circumstance like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.  Most of the time someone is not going to do it for you, at least it won’t be in your best interest.  You have to do it for yourself.  That’s the hardest thing to do because you don’t really HAVE to let go.  You can just stay put even though you know in your heart of hearts that you need to let to go of whatever it is, but you CAN delay.

This is where most people find themselves stuck.  It’s in that delay that the bitterness and suffering comes.  It’s in that delay where there are regrets for not letting go sooner.  Remember eventually things ARE going to change. You’re going to look back and think –  why didn’t I do this sooner!?!

You have to have the courage to jump on your own.  You have to stand at the edge and even though you don’t want to go into the unknown, you know that you must.  The unknown, the tunnel as I call it, is at first dark and dank, but then you begin to get excited about what’s on the other side of that tunnel and the possibilities just seem endless.

You have to have courage to jump or those possibilities will never come because you are stuck and afraid of the unknown.  Change is growth and sometimes you just have to trust yourself and trust that life will take care of you and you have to  jump.

Just like in going up in the plane to go skydiving, once you enter this life then you’ve signed up for an experience.  Apart of the experience is pain, BUT, on the other side of the pain is joy – exhilaration – freedom.    You can not get to that feeling of joy and growth unless you are willing to let go to let come.

Letting Go When You KNOW You Need To

Letting Go is to Change

To Change is to Die to what is.

To Die to what is… takes you into the abyss.

It’s scary and painful at first…but it stops…

Somehow the pain stops.

…and when it stops the possibilities that weren’t there before are there for you like flowers ready for you to pick and choose. 

You start to see doors and windows where there were only walls before.

What you thought was so impossible to let go of, wasn’t impossible at all.  

It is done. 

You have changed.  

You have grown.

You have learned.  

You have made it though the dark tunnel of change.

~ Ridea Richardson

Some Relationships Are Eternal

 

Some Relationships are so special that you know that they are eternal.

You have to let go of them because for now at this time they “feel” dead.

…but you know that the time you spent together is not dead,

will NEVER die,

it had an everlasting quality to it,

because it was spent in eternity.

Some Relationships are just that special,

and you know it when you’re in them.

So, it’s hard to let go of them.

Be alright with letting them go

and moving on to another relationship that you are meant to have.

It’s okay to let go for now…you will meet again…in eternity.

Some Relationships are just timeless.